Insight at the roadside

I was walking home today after fighting with a lawn mower and over grown grass at our new place for an hour. I had to go and do it since it was the last day before three soild days of rain. On the way home I was really tired, since I had already put in a full day at the office before mowing.

Anyway on the way home, a car pulled over and I soon realized that I had been "picked" as a possible prospect by our local Mormon Summer Missionaries. Through the car window one of them offered me a card which I politely declined.

He shrugged when I said "no thanks" - it was no biggie, they drove off - I walked on.
That's because I don't think they cared about me. I thinn they cared about their quota. I was just another "try" to them. When I said "no thanks" it was no biggie, they drove off - I walked on. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

When the priority is the process - and not the person, you can forget the person and just start the process with another.

How much can we learn from this when it comes to our own hopes to communicate Christ's desire to connect with others? When will we look at other's eyes and not our own agendas?

This is bound to PO somebody

The blog Antidote wrote a piece based on an open letter by Pam Slim

Some may take offense at the rules named but, nomenclature aside, it's on target. We in the church like to shine up our junk and make it look pretty for our showcase Sunday morning spectacles. It rubs our fur the wrong way when someone suggests that we are human, and so have a tendency at times, to behave as an ass. That's just not polite.

The sooner we drop that, the better. John Doe knows that our flesh and his are the same. Plainly said, he just doesn't believe the suits and ties, dresses and shiny shoes are the way the people wearing them really are. Our pretense and posturing just creates an interpersonal distance between us and him. (And if you just read that and think I was ranting about clothing - you missed it.)

So, here are the 10 points Pam makes, bent for my purposes of talking about church. For each point she provides a paragraph in her open letter, you may wish to read that too.

1. Don't spend tons of money to try and change your church culture.

Our culture will always be defined by what is truly valued by the decision-makers. (I think I read somewhere that it's supposed to be something about loving God and others.) SO insist the leaders are outrageously loving!

Flat out abandon any plan or action that doesn't fit that mode. If it's well intentioned, and committee approved, but won't be understood as love - go back to the drawing board. People, not money, change culture.

2. Stop running your church like the Mafia

Ahh the tyranny, the complete control, the decision makers, the ability to crush opposition, the unspoken codes of conduct and the rewards of being a "made" member - it's all there. Stop.

3. Spend time with the people in your church in their context - not the church's

So often it's about the church's agenda getting moved forward. After all, that's what we are there to do - God's work. But that just lends itself to perpetuating the artificial. It is in the vulnerability of shared human experience that we forge and temper the bonds that permit this extravagant love we are called to live out. You cannot love someone you don't know. You cannot know someone you don't spend any time with.

4. Teach people how to love God.

This could be it's own blog post, but I have to be brief. Let's admit that the "read your bible & pray more" solution we've been prescribing for decades as "the solution to life's problem's" is a mythical panacea that needs to be contextualized. Those two elemental Christian exercises aren't enough for what life throws at us.

We need silence, and the fierce courage of true vulnerable friendship, liturgy, ceremony, songs new and old, art, laughter, tears and so much more - all marshaled in concrete spiritual disciplines that help us and teach us to better love God. A truism I often repeat is "In order to see - we must look, in order to hear - we must listen, in order to create, we must persist. (it seems fitting for this too.)

5. Don't ask for your peoples' input if you are not going to listen to it

It's the height of arrogance to form a consensus, then ignore it, so don't.

6. Don't train people until you know what problem you are solving

Training? What is this training you speak of? Why do we run a special school here for the children every Sunday, just to teach them to be life long Christ followers, and we've never trained any of our teachers? (I think it's so the teachers remain humble. It's real hard to get full of pride if your not sure about what your doing.)

7. Ditch the spectacles.

The sermon just isn't that important. I love to speak to a crowd, so that's hard for me to write, but if I'm being honest.... A sermon (the fancy "church word" for a lecture) is the most efficient way of getting a lot of information to a large group of people all at the same time - but it's the least effective way of learning.

Besides, even if the sermon "goes over" every week it's less than 4 tenths of one percent of the week. So even if your focused and intent on learning during the presentation (and everyone always is) it's just not enough. Teaching is monumentally important - but sermons aren't.

8. Focus on the "what" that people do, not the "how" or "when" they do it

Lots of people in the church serve tirelessly, and never get so much as a nod from the pulpit or anywhere else. We chalk it up to "reasonable service" when the truth is that most pastors would do well to put away their sermon notes for the next week and just spend their time celebrating the men and women who make this thing we call church "go" every week.

9. Watch the burnout

Yours and theirs. Face it the church is the black hole of need. That's the point. "Come to me all you who are heavy laden..." is what the Master said. So it's not surprising that even with a fully developed "I am weak but but He is strong' mentality people will over do it. We take church so very seriously, but often for all the wrong reasons. After you stop working/volunteering/doing for this church there will be someone else to take your place.

You're just not that important to it all. But the "YOU" part of you is vitally important to God. So stop, drop, and roll. Stop believing your own hype about the deadlines and the fact that the sky will fall if that thing doesn't happen, drop the idea that you are the only Jesus some people will every see. (You aren't, and I have verses to prove it.) and roll with the punches.

Will somebody get PO'ed if you drop the ball? Maybe. If they love you and you own your crap - it will be fine. If they love their program more than you, you'll at least learn where their allegiances are.

10. Forbid people to work while they are on vacation

PERIOD. Refuse to allow programs to use people up. Set volunteer service term limits for everyone. Close the church at least one Sunday a year and go do something together that expresses your love for each other and the reason Christ died for us all.

But what if...

I was on a drive to our office in St. George. It's a 35 minute inescapable slice of time I need to carve out of a day that includes the St. George office. Time to think.

I was considering the nature of holiness. It's an area where I've known a few theologians to do some verbal and mental gymnastics because it's such a big idea. Some of them wanted me to believe that God's holiness is evidenced by His perfection. In an effort to explain this idea "holy" they paint a picture of "the most perfect-est ever ever." (Ok that last bit was a paraphrase.)

Their reasoning seemed to be this: He is perfect ergo He is holy. Now I am NOT rejecting either idea (God's holiness or God's perfection) But I am asking a question. What if the two are wholly independent of one another? God is perfect. God is holy.

I just can't get how I am to be holy as God is holy (Lev. 11 et al) IF holy means perfect. I'm human, inherently and definitively imperfect. This is where the gymnastics start. "Well we can never be as holy as God is, but we work toward it as a goal. But it doesn't say "try " or "strive" it says "be."

So I'm going to assume I’m onto something and ask my question: What if holy means true? It would be easy to confuse pure truth with perfection. The holiest of holies = the truest of truth?

I just know I can't be perfect. I can barely do powerless. And even if I was to “exceed my programming” as it were, and act perfect - I'd still have to contend with my motives and choices all the internal dialog that precedes any human action (Our faith is what we choose AND do.) I can't be holy if holy means perfect.

But if holy means true, God loses no ground - He is completely true ever and always. But since truth (in regard to humanity) is always in the process of being revealed, (Bible, Technology etc.) it at least seems plausible that I could be always working to be more true. More true, more aware of what is true about me and around me.

Be true as God is true: May He guide us in all truth.

King of the Hill Church

via freeway church cohort

People change slowly

I had an old friend who worked at a small rural church in the Northern part of Ontario. In the office he'd made from a basement side room, he had a desk, always littered with pages of one sort and another. Always on top of those papers was a heavy, ten inch long, brass desk sign like the ones people have for their names. It only had three words on it, my friend kept it there to remind him of this truth: "People change slowly."

Much of current evangelism efforts seem to ignore that truth. If you search the bible for the word "evangelism" you'll soon find it's not there. But that is not necessarily meaningful since the words "evangelist" and "evangelize" are there.

They mean "tell the good news." The angels evangelized. They brought "good tidings of great joy" in Luke 2, Jesus also when he brought "glad tidings of the kingdom of God" in Luke 8. "Evangelize" then is the parent of our word "evangelism." Evangelism is a term we've assigned to the process of discipleship.

Here's where I tend to get my Irish up. Discipleship has never been about proclamations, declarations, intellectual assent, or Dale Carnegie-esque sales tactics. It has always been about the individual believers modeling the love they learned from Christ to the world.

As that love becomes a greater motivational force in a believer's life - they begin to make a difference in other's lives. When these other people ask "Why are you doing this for me?" and "why do you care so much about us?" opportunities are created to tell them about the "glad tidings of the kingdom of God."

Evangelism needs to be based on love for God and from God. How can we love those we barely know? How can we love as we need to love, apart from God's power to do so? Real evangelism is about profound care for people, not clining to a system style or method.

How can anyone assume that a well presented, (or argued) case for the supremacy of Christ's teaching is the same as "good tidings of great joy?" How can we assume that the listener, so often ambushed by the discussion is now a disciple, or convert, because they agreed with what we told them? Did they expect this to be part of their day? To me it seems like a quick fix, so that people can "check off" the evangelism box on their "Now Jesus will really love me" score card. (As if he could love any of us more?)

And let's say that despite these confused motivations and methods the listener does hear the love that motivates it, and God uses that to help them hear His call of love and forgiveness.

Too often it ends up going down the most familiar road, assuming the facts are enough. People form new believers classes for these newest followers and spoon-feeding facts - western culture style. If you know the facts you'll know what's needed. (That doesn't work for simple stuff like bike riding and tieing our shoes why people think it will work for being a disciple is beyond me.)

The teaching style in the east is quite different from here. Being a disciple in eastern culture meant grafting your life to a teacher (rabbi). Not only did you sit under their lessons, but you lived in close proximity to them - you shared life with them. They showed you what their lessons meant practically, day to day by modeling them, you showed your gratitude and indebtedness by serving them as a receiver of their knowledge. It is a time, and life, intensive interaction.

People change slowly, and to assume otherwise is to ignore the obvious. Discipleship must only ever be about love. Discipleship has always, and will always take a lifetime, portions of which we can share together. The sooner we embrace that irresistible fact, the sooner we will benefit from the fruit true discipling can produce.

From - church in the desert

You need to read this first: Church in the Desert

Mark Balfour commented about his Lenten experience. He focused on the temptations thrust before Christ by the devil. I really appreciate his notes.

Stones to bread - as Mark calls it "something that is easier to swallow." It's the path of least resistance, the way we are all prone to take, the one that causes the fewest cuts and bruises. It plays on our natural aversion to pain. For a long time now I've had a real hatred for the role "nice" has played in the church. It takes the stones of harsh reality and turns it into the Wonder Bread we so often embrace "niceness."

It's so much easier to eat that fluff than speaking the truth in love, enduring the wounds of a friend, being real about the struggle faith is, and so many other things. These soulful things are like stones and we easily see them as too hard, too messy, and too painful to endure - so we decide to "just be nice" and do something else - anything but the hard bit. After all, it's less painful - and pain is bad right?

The religiosity that is born out of this kind of path is smug and patronizing. It's the "big fat fake" that demands we all deal with the veneer and not the substance. It presumes pain is negative and comfort is positive. Authenticity (according to Christian Existentialism) is the degree to which one is true to their own personality, spirit, or character, despite the pressures of being in a material world. This "Wonder Bread" is about relieving that pressure.

Throw yourself off - Ah the grand martyrdom! Give your all and surely God will come to the rescue! Look it says it here in the bible - "He has given his angels charge over thee..." (it's always more pious in KJV) How many families of ministers (lay and other) have been sacrificed on this altar? So often the assumption is that the task that needs done for the church is the "Kingdom of God" task - so you'd best seek it first and God will fill in the gaps at home. Guess what? It ain't and He often doesn't. (Because He loves you.)

The Kingdom of God task - what will change the whole world - is always about your journey toward Christlikeness, it's what Mother Teresa called "small things done with great love." It's a first things first issue. You are the only you on the planet. If you don't see to the spiritual matters you should it will be for show.

You can be the greatest servant in your church but if you neglect your family and friends to do that - you're blowing it. Andy Stanley reminds us that there will be someone in the church's future who will do what you do. But NO ONE BUT YOU will be the unique expression of God's grace in your circle of family and friends except YOU. Nope - only YOU, amongst the 6 billion on the planet. As my friend McNair always says "IF you don't do you - you won't get done!"

Kingdom, power and glory - the offer is to be large and in charge. It seems to be a misfit thought among the churched. But every collection of people has "top dogs." It's just that in the church we make sure that there's a prescribed dose of humility attached to every position. The pharisees had that act down pat.

Piety mingled with scorn, all to have the final say in what was godly and what was not. Shame mongering, judgementalism, whatever tools need to be employed. Control it, manage it, Like in the wizard of OZ "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!''

For my part I pray God sends me much grace. I know some of what makes me the bread eating, base-jumping, glory seeking shadow I am. The moment I forget that - I fall into it. The moment I look down my nose at others for being frail like me - I am doubly guilty.

About the deletions

I have recently deleted two comments. An anonymous (guy?) from Oz monikered "grace4all" decided to leave two comments. When I read the first one I began to type this long explanation with tons of back story explaining everything and all the subtleties that were involved. Then I scratched that (it was just way too long) and tried a point form version. I was trimming, deleting, tweaking - then all of a sudden I stopped.

I realized this unknown person, (convinced they had thrust penetrating postulations- under my intellectual skin) left their words based on only the few words they'd read. They didn't know my story, just the post. I could have bandied the comments about and maybe even got into a big conflagration over it - but why?

I am hoping they were motivated to encourage or help trying to spur me on or sharpen me - but in truth it came across to me as a bit smarmy, smug and self important. I deleted the post and thanked them for stopping by.

This Aussie seemed convinced that the questions they'd left initially had done their work. I felt like they were gratified I'd deleted the comment - "VINDICATION!" seemed to be the tone of the second comment.

I'm sorry to disappoint mate, but the words were barely even read. It was late and couldn't figure out who you were or how I knew you. (On my way to a work conference and all.) When I figured out I didn't know you I was confused by why anyone would think I cared about anonymous opinions. Think of it. That's like yelling "Hey You! Mabel Winslow hates your shoes!" That was my confusion "Who is Mabel Winslow? What are you saying? Why do you think I want to know that?"

Why would anyone care about an anonymous opinion? Anything less than a signed opinion is tantamount to digital graffiti - notions scrawled quickly, most meaningful to those who wrote them.

I'll make no apologies for controlling my blog. I'll delete what I want when I want. Don't like it - go elsewhere. The internet is rife with folks who are looking for you. I use this blog to write and work things out. If what's here wrangles you or you think I'm off base - that's OK. I've lived this long without your approval - I'll manage the rest of my life without it...somehow.

I'm not trying to be hurtful (OK maybe a little hurtful, like flicking your ear or something) but please -I don't have time for pitted contension or debate. I'd rather learn who you then maybe after some respectful reparte I can hear you. I'm OK if anyone disagrees with me - God's peace upon them, but just don't expect me to argue with random internet wanderers. (That's for the people who don't take their medications.)

OK - last bit. I've changed the default setting so that registration is a requirement before leaving a comment. (Chant with me: No Mo Anons!) Maybe it will help me engage with the people behind the words more? I've decided that I'm not going to talk about this anymore. Clean slate, reset, start over, done. - I'll "hold thumbs" that the one who left the comment will forgive. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my blog. God's peace upon you all.

I meant it as a call to be otherwise

A friend has pointed out that my last post seemed like a "swipe" at the past.

I guess if I'm honest about it - some of my objectivity is lost after the experiences I've had (ten months later and it still causes me immense pain) - but I was "swiping" at myself as much as anyone else, I handed out more "fill in the blank" forms than most. I meant it as a call to be otherwise, not a condemnation.

If my idle words have wounded any I apologize. I want us all to be closer to Jesus. I'm inextricably stuck in my junk and can be ham-fisted because of my preconceptions and limited perspective, when I try to write.

If my words have hurt you or any you love - please forgive me.

Keith

Shiny Modern Churches

Most of the churches I've attended are "Modern Churches." They come from a modern era mind set. Because Modernity is about the pursuit of ever-increasing levels of order, modern churches are always on guard against anything that might mess up the order they've created.

For them, the raw reality of an unfiltered life is often far too candid and outrageous for polite conversation. So the unpredictable, the uncomfortable, the socially awkward (See Basement Ministries: Anyone under 18, the chronically disenfranchised, those with “issues,” anyone that is an uneasy fit or requires “extra grace”) are more tolerated than embraced.

As a group, Modernist Churches tend to classify things in terms of opposites. (churched, saved, faithful verses unchurched, unsaved, backslidden), whatever the terminology or label, what is subtly meant, is often acceptable/unacceptable.

Modern churches, seeking to order things end up defining (and sometimes even creating) the "anarchy and disorder” - they attempt to stand against. Given their "either/or" world view, the disorderly and misaligned are a forgone conclusion, the polarity through which they see the world creates it. Often without realizing as much, this practice is more about helping the group know who they are than anything else.

As the group self-defines in this way they can assert the superiority of their culture over that of others. The efforts made to correct the disorder they see around them are called "Outreach Programs." However, the truth is, outreach ends up being more of an effort to homogenize any new comers. It is less the life long journey of salvation that starts and ends with God, than it is making the newcomer more like the group.

Participants in a modernist church quickly learn the accepted "way and values" (See Metanarrative) and conform to it - at least outwardly, so they will belong. Rather than honestly living in Christ, with the Bible, in a caring community, they just look to the glittering head man - the Master Pastor for the cues.

It’s just way easier to get the short hand - the Cliff notes of the Christian life from him. Tidy scripted sermons are far easier to digest and organize than an eye to eye shared life. (“Just keep it to three or four-“fill in the blanks” would ya Pastor? I’ve got a busy week ahead”)

So predictably, the wheels fall off - the group looks aligned and ordered, but the truth is we’re all a mess, a broken mess. And the hilarity of it all is that who we are on the inside, won’t be sated by the shellac the right dress, the right answers, right whatever tries to provide. Like plants that poke through the cracks in cement, our true selves won't be denied the light of day - who we really are will squeeze its way out into the open eventually.

In the end these churches cultivate a subculture, the “church answers” become different from real answers - and the distance between real and "churchy" grows. Who we really are and who we pretend to be at church becomes less and less similar.

There are those who are still getting what they want from God in a modernist church setting - may the Peace of God be upon them. As for me, I’ve had to move. I need a faith family that can handle my lack, my daily grind and my big questions without me having to pretend to make others more comfortable .

Like Mike Yaconelli called it in Messy Spirituality “ I have been trying to follow Christ most of my life, and the best I can do is a stumbling, bumbling, clumsy kind of following. I wake up most days with the humiliating awareness that I have no clue where Jesus is. Even though I am a minister, even though I think about Jesus every day, my following is...uh...meandering."

I need to be in a church that can just sit with a question and let it be a question. I need fellows who can hear me rant, swear, or worse, and see I’m still on the journey. I need to be among people who have an approximately equal intolerance and dislike for the shellac dripping off so many of the shiny Modern Churches.

Wanna be in my band??

Your Band Name is:

The Sacred Ninjas

Band Name Generator

ht

Hi,

Here's my band. I typed into the generator and Got this. So this band is NOT a musical band - more like a band of brothers and sisters. It has all of the privileges of "band membership" without all of the hassle of practicing and touring. (Infighting remains OPTIONAL.)

We can "hang out with the band" or "go to a band thing" or use it as an excuse to get out of stuff we don't want to do (I promised the people in my band I wouldn't) and still avoid having to find an unheated garage to practice in.

I'm the founder of the band and as founder declare the full name of the band to be: "Sacred Ninja Viking Pirates" (hereafter SNVP ) - That seems to be a sufficiently antisocial and ominous for use as a band name. I'm open to new band members occupying offices of their own design so feel free to join and let me know what you'd like to do in THE BAND!

Tell your friends!

This first sounded like an e-scam but it appears legit.

Big bucks "Epson" settled a class action lawsuit. One of the things the suit alleged was that Epson inkjet printers and cartridges say that the cartridges are empty (when they are not) and suspend printer function, even though there's lots of ink remaining.

If your printer is included in the settlement, you can get 45 bucks to spend in the Epson
store, or 25 bucks and a 20 dollar Epson credit, or a discount of 25% off Epson purchases up to 100 dollars. The printer list and claim forms are at: http://www.epsonsettlement.com/

Also See: Steve's Digicams Site

The website is tanked right now because of traffic. (That's one way to keep people from getting their rebate) but if you qualiy - keep trying!

Wild Grace

How cool that God could take some move some thoughts from here and give them to Gracie to create this:

Wild Grace:
"This is a big boat
So many on board
I’ve never seen
I reach out with my telephone
But often I just feel
Alone.

This is a big boat
So many online
I’ve never read.
I reach out with my blogger’s word
But often I just feel
Unheard.

And then I feel
Your words reach in
They’re yours
They’re mine
They’re His!
Oh, God
I didn’t expect
That You would
Come like this.

This is a small boat
The size of a Man’s hand
Although I cannot see
It’s because of Him
Your heart
Can touch
Me."

Risk

Last week at church we were talking about (among other things) Jesus being involved our lives. As I listened in the service two thoughts rose to the surface:

On Prayer:

"To ask, without also acting - is a very small prayer indeed."

On God's Will:

"Risk the possibility that God wants to be involved in it all [you whole life - everything] not so you will be hamstrung with indecision [over "what God's will is"] but emboldened by the realization that you don't have to do any part of anything alone-anymore."


It's intriguing to consider that God wants to pray - to act and to help us with it all, for it all to be accomplished in His power- no not intriguing, breathtaking!

Love more, say less.

Take the time today

As our friend Mcnair has noted watch the clock today! Only twice in your life time (around 1 am and pm) will it be 1:02:03 04/05/06. All the time you've been given, is for loving God and others. Times and tides are important - remember

...God's kingdom is here for sure. If you lived on the world's terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God's terms and no longer on the world's terms, the world is going to hate you.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
(Matt. 12:28b, John 15:19a, 1 Cor 13: 1-3)

Take the time today to Love Extravagantly! Remember the words of Mother Teresa:

Small things, done with great love will change the world.

Job

I have a yob. I was asked to direct the Community Activity Center (I'll write more about it later). After months and months of waiting - it has come. It's so strange. Absolutely nothing has changed accept a group of people have said that they'd like to pay me full time for the work they need me to do - but there is a world of difference in my outlook and disposition.

Soon my days will be filled with other things and this wonderful season of love I've had with my family being my sole (and soul) focus is morphing into something else. I'm not wholly sure what the new horizons hold - but the storm has broken and the waves died, time to patch the ship and go on.

It's most appropriate here and now to thank God for his faithfulness, He has consistently "shown-up" in my darkest times during this ordeal. The truth of it is that most often He's been draped in the cloak of my wife. She was His hands and feet - bailing like mad when the waves washed in, suffering my rages and rants, offering me water when the rowing was hardest, then grabbing the other oar and straining with me against the waves.

So to God - Ruler of All - and to the Image of His Son being formed in Heidi, I most humbly say thank-you. I cannot sail without either of you.

Meditatus:Tendo:Teneo
Reflect:Dare:Persist

the choice of simplicity

new to me blog that fits with our choices for simplicity. thought you might be interested:

Frugal For Life: 16: Festival of Frugality

So here we go

I have about 3 hours before my next interview. It's funny, when your interviewing for a job as a pastor it takes weeks and months. Meetings, committees, votes - even a test run at the pulpit. This should be relatively easy. I'm just trying to rest in my part in this - walk through the door.

I want to work, but at the job that God has for me. I don't think there's only one - but I think I could choose with the best of intentions and be "off."

Sidebar:
It's like an exercise I've undertaken - to live in God's abundant universe. Most people assume that the universe operates in a scarcity mode. There's only so much stuff and if you don't grab all you can while you can - you'll miss out. It's just economics right?

But I think that God has created the universe to be a place of abundance. He is the Creator and Provider - it's in His nature. The problems come when we confuse our needs with our wants and when we assume that all of God's people will respond to His prompting.

It's not a "Name it and Claim it" mentality, nor is it confusing God with Disney's "genie" character. It's just that God loves people and if we listen to Him and live as he teaches us - there's more than enough for everyone - everywhere (ie 1/10 of the world's riches people would only have to surrender 1/10 of their riches to end global poverty!)

So my exercise is to write out things I am seeking - small tangible items (to record this notion of an abundant universe) It only requires I identify what I am seeking then to watch and wait for God's provision. Some stuff comes may never come - but I've got records to prove God provides (DUH!)

Anyway - Part of that experiment included me writing down a need/want for a santoku style chef's knife. I love to cook and so I wanted one to assist that hobby. I found one on significant sale and bought it. It was smaller than I wanted but it was good quality. A few months later a pair of the knives came to me as a gift. These new knives are wonderful and one is a ten inch blade.

All this to say that I'm not entirely sure if I should have waited - if God had permitted the purchase but had always intended to meet my need with the new set. Thinking about it hurts my brain.

Just pray I get to God's will in all of it- I know I'll be safe there, and it's all I want anyway.

Sorry if that's outside your box.

We moved to NB after a bad end to a great ministry. We were following what we truly felt was God's leading amid a very tough situation. We've been cobbling together a job here and there, getting funds where we can drawing on savings and counting on God for months now. It's just that the area has a limited pool of opportunities and there is a sense that we are "unknown" to many in a town where everyone is know (or even distantly related.)

"Making it," in a word has been tough - hope is hard to come by when your waiting and waiting and waiting. I've had interviews and these have translated to some work - but we've not had the "big click" so we've been hanging on and the thread is wearing very very thin.

Heidi had asked me to go and pay some bills with our one credit card (we're borrowing from ourselves - hoping that we won't have to delve into our little nest egg if we can get work soon enough to pay it all off by frugal living - debt is slavery!)

I tried - they told me that they can't accept that form of payment. I was stuck - no way to pay, no time to wait anymore. I came home and called on a job I'd interviewed for - the director was so impressed by my qualifications she'd asked the board to create a position for me. She told me they said "no."

I told Heidi, we cried - were at the end of our tether. We'd walked through every open door we could conceive of but we found ourselves stuck with nowhere to turn. In utter desperation we threw ourselves before God, complete with ashes on our faces - and cried out for help, we were at the very edge of our faith everything a huge question mark- Without hope or help.

then - God answered.

ten minutes later - the phone rang (no-it wasn't God - just one of his kids) with an offer for some work, then after I hung up from that call, the phone rang before I could get it back to the cradle, a second offer of work - longer hours, better rate - another company had just called the firm I was doing work for and asked for me BY NAME and they need me "ten minutes ago."

While I was out working, another call for yet one more interview and then the coup de grace for this pall that has hung over us for two months. A friend contacts Heidi - she'd heard of our plight and wired us some help - some resources to help us through. It was love disguised as money.

Not much has changed. We still need to dig out of this hole we are in - I still need capital "W" work, but something spiritual broke yesterday - I don't know what - but I felt it break somehow. I can't explain it - don't know if I ever will be able to - but I felt it in my spirit.

(Sorry if that's outside your box.)

Who is like our God?

My Personal DNA

Free-Wheeling Inventor

Love wins

I had completed this Art piece months ago. I wanted to capture the notion that despite all of the hardship loving others can cause, in the end it is the singular truth for humanity. Love wins.

God used it today during worship in a way I was TOTALLY unprepared for. Peter asked a member of the congregation to close in song- but to just allow the song to be free form, to sing over us if you will. He did, and his words were to this effect: "The Fall of your life is over - now comes the spring." and "Love wins." He closed with an established chorus "Jesus friend for ever."

The intriguing part being the singer and I have never even met - he doesn't even know this art exists, nor did the phrase have any place or context in the "service proper" - it was a random, isolated comment. (there's more in the words but I'll have to wait for the MP3 to be posted to revisit them.)

It reminds me that God notices my creations and uses them - in my life and in the lives of others, my art matters to God. Some friends once told me that "as we trust our creative impulses - they become stronger." They are SO RIGHT!


Penso - Praesumo - Teneo!
(Ponder - Dare - Persist!)