I am writing this to ask for your prayers. It would be easy to only ask for the obvious - a job - and I certainly want one! But I believe there is more to be learned in the waiting and the fear than "God will come through in the end!"
I've been thinking lately of what a friend pain is to me. I have this physical quirk - a literal pain that shoots up the left side of my neck whenever I start to deal with issues close to my heart and soul. It feel like a hot knife. It's sharp painful and unpleasant - demanding my instant attention.
I hated it for the better part of forty years - it was to be avoided. It was a clear indication that the issue I was dealing with at that moment, needed to be buried fast and my mind distracted. It is my "pain in the neck."
Pain and discomfort are a help to me spiritually. I am told by my culture to seek fun and comfort. I am told by my faith to seek Jesus. The two are seldom the same thing. (see: Mortification of the flesh - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia )
So WHILE I am walking this part of the road - won't you ask God to bolster my courage, to settle the panic and increase my faith. I am dealing with shame guilt and low self esteem, but God is most close when we feel our greatest need.
These days are hard and I begin to wonder if what I believe about myself is true, since those I have been asking to consider my services tend to be take their time gettng back to me. Please ask God to buttress my faith - our faith, to make us more like Him through this, after all that's what really matters. It's certainly not that God can't have me set and ready to go by the morning - so I am watching and listening to see what that may be.
I want to close with a word of thanks. Some of you have heard how tough things are and have graciously helped. Thank-you so much. Your practical help has come at just the right time and in just the right way to encourage our hearts and meet our physical needs.
It's hard to stand in the place of the receiver when you feel much more comfortable being the giver. But that's another post...
Love extravagantly,
Keith
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6 comments:
Dear Keith,
Yes. My father, in his less saintly moments, used to say my brother and I were a 'pain in the neck' and strangely, my brother has suffered from this malady for most of his life, quite possibly from bending tensely over a piano to practice or over a desk to write music. You seem to have a very clear sense of yourself if you know that your pain indicates a place where you need to go deeper.
God knows your worth. It is hard when you come to a new place and people have yet to discover your worth. I believe that there must be a resolution to this painful emotional space...and soon.
Such a leap of faith you have taken! Rob and I had much more security with my parents here in Bracebridge and a job, albeit teaching 7 - 8 music, waiting for Rob. Such a leap of faith...
I only have these words. You are worthy. And. There will be enough.
Connie
Keith, how I wish I could be more help in a tangible way!
Unfortunately, that isn't possible at present, but please know that you and your family are in our prayers daily.
My God is sufficient, and will supply all your needs....
keith - What an honest post, thank you. I am holding you, and yours, in the Light, asking Jesus to speak to your condition. And waiting, with hope, for Way to open for all of you.
Keith it is exciting to see the adventure you and your family have bolding stepped out into. But it is a leap isn't it - into unknowns at this point.
I will be more diligent in holding you, your family, your job situation, all your needs up in prayer.
I too appreciate your honesty here, your risking to ask, and that boldness is beautiful to see.
oh dear husband of mine - your honesty and candor bless me. i couldn't have (wouldn't have) walked this path with anyone but you.
the growth i have seen in your life and soul this past year is astonishing, but not unexpected. it has been painful, but rich, wild and wonderful. thank you for including me so deeply in your life. i love you!
a blessing on you friend!
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